Pump Up the Jam

Today, I did a departmental talk on the research I did for my Master's thesis. In the hour before the talk, instead of fiddling with my slides, I prefer to watch videos on the internet to both clear my head and pump me up. For your own inspirational needs, I include a list of similar movies below:

Our first entry comes from Jackie Chan in the movie Miracles. Let me begin by saying that until this scene, this film is terrible. Just atrocious. The plot is nonsensical even for a Jackie Chan film, which generally only act as vehicles for his action/comedy scenes. But then he starts fighting seemingly a 100 men in a rope factory, and the film totally redeems itself. This may be the quintessential Jackie Chan scene. He is constantly being beaten up, but you know he is never going to get seriously hurt - or at least his movie character doesn't - and there are plenty of great physical gags along the way. For some reason, the dubbing is just terrible in all the clips I can find. Don't worry, there is very little talking in this clip. But that music is just awful!



Keep in mind, Jackie Chan famously does his own stunts, as do all the other characters in this film. Just incredible.

The second instalment on our list comes from the late great Warren Zevon. While this song may not pump you up, its a great tale about a hockey goon who just wants to score a goal. Unfortunately, he just isn't very good at the sport. It is kind of like Rudy - just with a puck.

Below is a live version of the song. I love the reactions from the crowd as they slowly get sucked into the song.



If you don't smile when Buddy scores and the crowd goes wild, I am pretty sure you are dead inside.

Finally, we have the cream of the crop. It is a montage of Wendel Clark highlights set to Metallica. You really can't ask for much more to pump you up, although it obviously helps that I grew up a Leafs fan.



I didn't appreciate Wendel Clark as much as I should have. I have never liked goons, even if Warren Zevon has made me reconsider my position, and I think that as a kid, I misunderstood Wendel's role on the team. I think this was mostly because I was young, impressionable, and he seemed to get a similar adulation from the crowd as did Tie Domi (who I really didn't like). In retrospect, that wasn't fair to Wendel, but not Domi - I still hate that guy. Wendel was never sent on the ice with the express purpose of fighting. Sure, it happened - a lot actually - but it was never a sideshow. It was always borne out the natural emotion of the game. And being tough certainly wasn't his only talent, as he was a hell of a hockey player. This last point is the key for me. I hate goons clogging up roster spots. But if you are tough and can play, I am plenty happy.

So thank you Wendel for all your years of service to the Leafs. And also for inspiring this video which can any Leaf fan raring to go - even if it is for an academic talk.

The Remnants of a Tall Man

A little over a month ago, a good friend of mine - we'll call him Minnesota, although I was very tempted to go with Al Franken - left Edmonton for greener (or at the very least warmer) pastures. While he was gathering his possessions for the move, he collected a bag of random things that he didn't want to bother taking with him. He gave this bag to me as a parting gift under the condition that I catalogue its contents and post it on the internet. I do so below:

• A stack of 8.5x11 lined paper
• A fancy pad of paper. When I say fancy, I mean it has an insignia on every page. The insignia involves a set of scales and a book. There is also a website address, but the site is written in German. As this is one of the many languages I cannot read, I am going to assume that our departed American friend was a member of the German equivalent of the Free Masons.
• Regular and Large Envelopes
• Stamps. Which are convenient given the above combination of envelopes and paper.
  
• Skat score sheets. Skat is a three-player German card game that is horribly complicated but still a lot of fun to play. Many a night ended with a several hour session of playing this game with Minnesota and Zee German (another good friend and Minnesota's roommate). Since these score sheets generally reflect poorly on me - although I at least had a positive score on this last one - let's move on.
• A bag from IJCAI. This was the main component of the conference swag they handed out. I now have two, and I use them for carrying groceries. I like that the bags identify me as a scientist and give me some much needed hippie cred as they allow me to avoid using plastic bags.
  
• A cribbage set. I have no idea how this game works aside from the fact that it involves playing cards and a horse-track looking thing. 
  
• A half-used bag of balloons. When Zee German moved out of our apartment building early in the summer, we felt it would be hilarious to fill Minnesota's room with balloons (well, Zee German thought it would be hilarious - I thought it would be kinda funny and am perpetually a sidekick). Any way, this was before it took a painful hour of blowing up about 100 balloons by hand. At that point we decided to stop with only half of the bag of balloons being gone, not because more balloons wouldn't be funnier (they most definitely would), but because the additional funny was not worth any more of that excrutiatingly tedious job. I hoped Minnesota would make our effort worthwhile and respond by angrily flipping tables, but he mostly took it in stride. Although it was great to hear that for several weeks thereafter (I may have my timeline wrong, but this is my story dammit), he was occasionally awoken by a balloon popping when the sun got to it.
  
• Sunscreen. I appreciate gifts that help prevent cancer.
• Two Books for Online Poker. What can I say, I hang out with degenerate gamblers. Well, to be fair, these books aren't really indicative of this. For these gentlemen, online poker does not really count as gambling considering how well-prepared they are (as many do poker-related research) and consequently how often they win. No, what makes these people degenerate gamblers is their willingness to bet money on flips of a coin, Mario Kart, or Bomberman.
  
• A Picture Frame. In which, I should have put the money I won playing Bomberman. I remain the only person who has won money off Minnesota in this game. And I plan on lording over this tiny victory for a long time. However, instead of framing my winnings, this gambling debt was wiped free in exchange for:
• A Deep Fryer. Technically, this wasn't in the bag, but I am including it anyways. I like to call it the Minnesota Memorial Deep Fryer. In this end, our tall friend signed it before he left. It became quite notorious at parties during which eventually something silly would end up being deep fried. During occasions like these, I enjoy remembering how much education the lot of us have.
• Rolls for coins.
• Skin Moisturizer.
  
• Half a bottle of olive oil. The cook in me was very happy about this.
  
• Poker Chips. Did I mention I hang out with degenerate gamblers? I am pretty sure I could get people betting on a game involving that cribbage horse-track in which I use dice to advance the "horses." On that note, I don't see anything morally offensive about running an illegal gambling parlour as a way to supplement my research funding. It is for the benefit of science after all. And perhaps an HDTV.
  
• A 3 1/2" floppy disc drive. When Minnesota arrived in Edmonton, he brought along his desktop computer. In order to save space, he pulled all the components out of the casing. He didn't bother buying a new case in Edmonton, and instead just had his computer innards strewn (carefully) on the floor beside his desk. He then brought the computer back to into the US the same way it came in. But I guess the floppy disc drive didn't make the cut.
  
• 2 window blinds. 
• CFL towels. They gave these away for free at an Eskimos game. This may have been the game in which we saw a drunken fellow flip off a cop and then fall 4 flights of stairs directly into a concrete railing. This resulted in an audible gasp from the crowd which eventually erupted into laughter when it became clear the man did not seriously injure anything but his dignity. Sometimes, I just love karma.

I was also given a fake sword that was used as part of a Halloween costume. I also accidentally stole Minnesota's XBox by neglecting to remind him that he had left it at my apartment for nearly a year. I swear that was a mistake and that I am not playing it right this instant.

Anyway, thanks for the grab bag and good luck with your new job in that much warmer climate.

Update: In some not-so-private correspondence, Zee German made an excellent point. I forgot to mention Minnesota's philanthropic efforts. Along with the bag I was given,  Minnesota gave me two garbage bags of items to give to the poor. I did not go through those bags carefully except to throw the contents in a bin for a particular charity. I noticed some clothes and bedding, but nothing particularly exciting. Regardless, I salute Minnesota for this act in the name of the betterment of society. You truly are a king among men.

Commenting Guidelines: Anonymous Commenting

I fully encourage commenting of pretty much any kind or form. Feedback is definitely appreciated, and I only plan on deleting comments if they become overly inflammatory (ie. racist, sexist, etc.) or if they are the work of spammers.

However, I would appreciate if you avoided the use of anonymous commenting. Don't get me wrong, you can use all the false pseudonyms you want. From my perspective, the game of guessing the commenter from the fake name is a fun one.

I'm not even asking you to maintain a consistent identity or use a real name. You may do so if you wish (it is kind of helpful for me in tracking readers), or you may not. I just want some additional context to your comment, even if it is fake.

I will not actually turn off the use of anonymous commenting, quite frankly because I don't care that much. I would just prefer that you yourself make the decision to turn down that option and I encourage you to be creative in your name selection.

Note, commenting anonymously on this post is neither original nor funny. It is actually quite lame. I just thought I'd give you a heads up in case you thought you were really clever.

"I Personally Know Rick. Do I Have to Worry About Appearing On Sarcastic Robots in an Unflattering Manner?"

Why, that is an excellent question Jimmy, and a lot of people have asked us about this (ed. note, this statement is false both because no one has asked and because we don't know anyone named Jimmy (also note that this blog has no editor and we have no problem using nested parentheses)). But we here at Sarcastic Robots appreciate that while we (strictly speaking, I) have decided to use our real names and identities - again, there is only actually one of us - on this here blog, you have not signed over your right to internet anonymity simply by being acquainted with the aforementioned Rick Valenzano.

In this end, the real names of persons involved in any stories recounted will be redacted and replaced with false monikers or vague pronouns*. While the context will often let other acquaintances of Rick Valenzano in on the identities of the characters mentioned, be advised that this will only occur in situations in which we would be comfortable recounting said "adventures" in a regular social gathering with the names intact (ie. non-digital person-to-person interactions). As we plan on mostly avoiding stories in which anyone except Rick Valenzano (our inspiration and muse (and author (see, we're doing the parentheses thing again, I warned you))) appears ridiculous, you should be free and in the clear. The one exception being in the case of us being out for sweet, sweet revenge.

* Note, we will use the real names of individuals where it is of clear benefit to them (ie. if they want readers to contact them), or if they otherwise ask us to divulge their identities (which seems unnecessary, but who knows what you people want).

On this Episode of "Cinematastic with Rick": District 9

Let me start off with the following: I enjoyed watching District 9 and felt it was well worth the price of admission. Now let me temper that statement: rarely have I ever found myself both impressed and disappointed by the same film, and somehow District 9 did just that.

The good: the premise is fantastic. The main idea behind the film is that an alien ship has broken down over Johannesburg, at which point the aliens are herded off their ship and into a ghetto of sorts. However, the locals don't like the presence of the aliens and have the government relocate the aliens farther from the city. The first half of the film follows a particular bureaucrat named Wikus Van De Merwe (played by Sharlto Copley) as he heads the effort to inform the aliens of the impending relocation.

Most of this part of the movie is filmed in a documentary style as it follows the work of Wikus and the private corporation that has been given the task of moving the aliens. Is Wikus a standard bumbling bureaucrat at an evil corporation who only gets his job through nepotism? Of course he is. Does Copley go over-the-top with his performance? A little bit. But at the same time, I was still entranced by the plot, pacing, and cinematography.

The main problem I had with the film is that the script takes this brilliant idea and bringing it right back on to the beaten path. While the first half brings up a lot of interesting issues regarding apartheid, the treatment of refugees, and immigation, the last half simply follows the standard action movie formula.

Don't get me wrong, I like action movies, and the director, Neill Blomkamp, plays the formula very well. But he relies too heavily on well-worn cliches. While the originality of the film actually makes this predictable turn somewhat unpredictable, I have to say I still came out of the film disappointed. It just feels too much like strong film that should have been a sci-fi classic.

What are others saying about this movie? Rottentomatoes finds that a strong proportion of movie critics favourably reviewed this film. Of those I pay attention to, the reaction is somewhat more lukewarm. Interestingly enough, it is also for a divergent set of reasons too.

While Alan Bacchus loved the final action set piece, but he is less than impressed with the characterization of Wikus and found the mix of documentary and non-documentary styles distracting. Will Leitch similarly loves the concept and look as I do, but was dissapointed with cliched action ending. Roger Ebert agrees, and adds that he feels that aside from a few specific exceptions, the aliens are difficult to sympathize with.

By the way, be sure to check out the short film Alive in Joburg, also by Blomkamp, on which this movie is based. This wonderful short distills the premise into 6 minutes, but certainly leaves a lot of room for expansion. In this end, I do appreciate the attempt to extend the ideas into a feature-length film. And while District 9 is certainly well-done, I can't help but feel it is also something of a missed opportunity.

By the way, I need a name for these movie review segments and so I'd love to here of your suggestions in the comments. Also, if you've seen the movie, I'd like to hear what you think about it.