The Remnants of a Tall Man

A little over a month ago, a good friend of mine - we'll call him Minnesota, although I was very tempted to go with Al Franken - left Edmonton for greener (or at the very least warmer) pastures. While he was gathering his possessions for the move, he collected a bag of random things that he didn't want to bother taking with him. He gave this bag to me as a parting gift under the condition that I catalogue its contents and post it on the internet. I do so below:

• A stack of 8.5x11 lined paper
• A fancy pad of paper. When I say fancy, I mean it has an insignia on every page. The insignia involves a set of scales and a book. There is also a website address, but the site is written in German. As this is one of the many languages I cannot read, I am going to assume that our departed American friend was a member of the German equivalent of the Free Masons.
• Regular and Large Envelopes
• Stamps. Which are convenient given the above combination of envelopes and paper.
  
• Skat score sheets. Skat is a three-player German card game that is horribly complicated but still a lot of fun to play. Many a night ended with a several hour session of playing this game with Minnesota and Zee German (another good friend and Minnesota's roommate). Since these score sheets generally reflect poorly on me - although I at least had a positive score on this last one - let's move on.
• A bag from IJCAI. This was the main component of the conference swag they handed out. I now have two, and I use them for carrying groceries. I like that the bags identify me as a scientist and give me some much needed hippie cred as they allow me to avoid using plastic bags.
  
• A cribbage set. I have no idea how this game works aside from the fact that it involves playing cards and a horse-track looking thing. 
  
• A half-used bag of balloons. When Zee German moved out of our apartment building early in the summer, we felt it would be hilarious to fill Minnesota's room with balloons (well, Zee German thought it would be hilarious - I thought it would be kinda funny and am perpetually a sidekick). Any way, this was before it took a painful hour of blowing up about 100 balloons by hand. At that point we decided to stop with only half of the bag of balloons being gone, not because more balloons wouldn't be funnier (they most definitely would), but because the additional funny was not worth any more of that excrutiatingly tedious job. I hoped Minnesota would make our effort worthwhile and respond by angrily flipping tables, but he mostly took it in stride. Although it was great to hear that for several weeks thereafter (I may have my timeline wrong, but this is my story dammit), he was occasionally awoken by a balloon popping when the sun got to it.
  
• Sunscreen. I appreciate gifts that help prevent cancer.
• Two Books for Online Poker. What can I say, I hang out with degenerate gamblers. Well, to be fair, these books aren't really indicative of this. For these gentlemen, online poker does not really count as gambling considering how well-prepared they are (as many do poker-related research) and consequently how often they win. No, what makes these people degenerate gamblers is their willingness to bet money on flips of a coin, Mario Kart, or Bomberman.
  
• A Picture Frame. In which, I should have put the money I won playing Bomberman. I remain the only person who has won money off Minnesota in this game. And I plan on lording over this tiny victory for a long time. However, instead of framing my winnings, this gambling debt was wiped free in exchange for:
• A Deep Fryer. Technically, this wasn't in the bag, but I am including it anyways. I like to call it the Minnesota Memorial Deep Fryer. In this end, our tall friend signed it before he left. It became quite notorious at parties during which eventually something silly would end up being deep fried. During occasions like these, I enjoy remembering how much education the lot of us have.
• Rolls for coins.
• Skin Moisturizer.
  
• Half a bottle of olive oil. The cook in me was very happy about this.
  
• Poker Chips. Did I mention I hang out with degenerate gamblers? I am pretty sure I could get people betting on a game involving that cribbage horse-track in which I use dice to advance the "horses." On that note, I don't see anything morally offensive about running an illegal gambling parlour as a way to supplement my research funding. It is for the benefit of science after all. And perhaps an HDTV.
  
• A 3 1/2" floppy disc drive. When Minnesota arrived in Edmonton, he brought along his desktop computer. In order to save space, he pulled all the components out of the casing. He didn't bother buying a new case in Edmonton, and instead just had his computer innards strewn (carefully) on the floor beside his desk. He then brought the computer back to into the US the same way it came in. But I guess the floppy disc drive didn't make the cut.
  
• 2 window blinds. 
• CFL towels. They gave these away for free at an Eskimos game. This may have been the game in which we saw a drunken fellow flip off a cop and then fall 4 flights of stairs directly into a concrete railing. This resulted in an audible gasp from the crowd which eventually erupted into laughter when it became clear the man did not seriously injure anything but his dignity. Sometimes, I just love karma.

I was also given a fake sword that was used as part of a Halloween costume. I also accidentally stole Minnesota's XBox by neglecting to remind him that he had left it at my apartment for nearly a year. I swear that was a mistake and that I am not playing it right this instant.

Anyway, thanks for the grab bag and good luck with your new job in that much warmer climate.

Update: In some not-so-private correspondence, Zee German made an excellent point. I forgot to mention Minnesota's philanthropic efforts. Along with the bag I was given,  Minnesota gave me two garbage bags of items to give to the poor. I did not go through those bags carefully except to throw the contents in a bin for a particular charity. I noticed some clothes and bedding, but nothing particularly exciting. Regardless, I salute Minnesota for this act in the name of the betterment of society. You truly are a king among men.